The Top Ten Worst Lies You’ve Ever Told

Here's another interesting top 10 feature from Chico and Delamar

Weird that I should be posting a Top Ten about lies during Black Saturday. Anyway, this is the time for some reflection, right? Also, starting with this post, I’m using "name withheld", as opposed to "no name", when the sender actually sent his or her name but requested that we don’t it on air. Wala lang, just to distinguish between the 2.
September 18, 2008 → The Top Ten Worst Lies You’ve Ever Told
1. Name withheld - Sometimes I tell my special someone that I enjoy sex. Sometimes it’s pleasurable, but often it’s simply painful. I tell him, "Kulang lang ako sa practice…"
2. Cheodosche - My mom found condoms in my brother’s bag. When she confronted him, he said: "Pinamigay sa school, sample."
3. Name withheld - I once texted my crush pretending to be a different person. He ended up falling in love with this person I invented.
4. Nika Canton - I was running late when my boss called me and asked where I was. Even though I was still at home, I said I was already on EDSA. Then the neighbor’s rooster crowed. My boss said, "May manok na pala sa EDSA…"
5. Cutie Girl - I’ve lied so often about my age, that sometimes, even when I don’t mean to, I give my age as 26, even if I’m already 32.
6. Estong Cruz - One time I went to Tia Maria’s in Katipunan with a half-eaten siopao. When the waiter said there’s corkage fee for the siopao, without thinking, I shove the remaining siopao in my mouth and mumbled, "FIOFAO, anong FIOFAO? Walang FIOFAO?!?"
7. Syvels - I used to take money from my dad’s wallet all the time. One time, I took 20 pesos. Later, my dad angrily asked, "Sinong kumuha ng 50 pesos sa wallet ko?" I protested, "Bente lang kaya!" Huli.
8. Jelolaine - Every time I have sex with a guy, I tell him, "Pangalawa ka pa lang." The truth is, I’ve had sex with 18 guys and counting.
9. Bilog - When my sister/dentist texted me where I was because I was late for my appointment, I said I was waiting for a taxi. She texted back, "Paano ka nag-aabang ng taxi eh online pa ang YM mo?"
10. No name - One time I made my dad sign a letter that said I was going to Batangas for a retreat but I was actually going to Tagaytay with my boyfriend. While in Tagaytay, my dad caught me with my boyfriend. BUT, I also caught him with his mistress, so quits lang kami.
11. Bob - One time tinawagan ako ng girlfriend ko asking who I was with. I told her I was with Mark. She said, "Kelan pa naging Mark si Karen? Lumingon ka sa likod mo." There she was behind us, behind me and Karen, her best friend.
12. SC - Back in college, my sked was Tues-Thur, but I told my parents it was Mon-Fri para mas malaki ang baon.
13. Migz with a Z - My mom would always ask why I’m not texting back. I always tell her I’m just too busy studying. Truth is, i lost my phone months back.
14. No name - I told my then husband that he was the father of my child. I’m now with the real father, but I still haven’t told my daughter the truth that the man I’m with is her real father.
15. Urduja - My worst lies were the lies I told during confession! It was my first confession and I didn’t have any mortal sins, so I made up some.
16. Chinese Cowboy - My boss called and asked where I was. I was in a mall, but I told him that I was in my area. He said, "Good, I’m in your area, meet me in 10 minutes." It was impossible because I was at least 30 minutes away from my area.
17. Specialist - Late for an exam, I wanted to tell my prof that it was because of a leaky faucet. I ended up saying, "Inasikaso ko pa yung tulo ko."
18. Yñaki - When 4 classmates were late, they said the jeepney they were riding had a flat tire. He separated the 4 and asked them to write on a piece of paper the answer to this question: "Tell me, which tire was flat?"
19. SC - Student: "Na-holdap po ako!" Teacher: "Naku, anong nakuha sa ‘yo?" Student: "Homework ko po…"
20.No name - I told my classmates that I was still a virgin, when in fact I’ve appeared in 2 local gay porn films. My lie was exposed when 2 gay classmates recognized me.
21. Chloe - After coming home with bruises and a black eye, I tld my parents I took up boxing. Truth is, I was beaten up by my abusive boyfriend.
22. Specialist - I once told a crush that I saw her boyfriend with another girl. Ayun, nag-break after a week.
23. Gossipboy - That I’m a straight guy who’s grossed out by the gay lifestyle.
24. No name - Nahuli ako ng pinsan ko nang bigla siyang pumasok sa kwarto ko at kasalukuyan kong "pinapaligaya" ang isang brod ko sa frat. Ang sabi ko, nasugatan ang brod ko sa putots kaya sinisipsip ko lang yung dugo. Tumango lang ang pinsan ko at sinara ang pinto.