Circus

In 3 days, we will be bidding farewell to 2008 and usher in the New Year 2009. Looking back at the year that was, I can say that 2008 was a bittersweet, uneventful but a good year nonetheless. It took alot of growing up on my part, it took alot of risk that I know I did not calculate. It was my first time to experience retrenchment or what we call "redundancy". It was my first time to be out of work for the most part of the year. I landed a dream job that allowed me to meet new and exciting people. Eventhough money was few and far between, I met new friends, some of them are the who's who in the modelling business, and believe me friends, models are not what you think they are. I am just thankful that I landed a new corporate job before the year ends, and it's such a big relief for me. I'll keep my job as a talent agent on the side, but I'll focus more on my new corporate job. I am just so happy that despite the hardships that I went through this year, I am glad that I have friends who were there to give me whatever support they can give, whether morally, emotionally and financially. I am also thankful to my family for their love and support. I can say that 2008 was such a circus for me, primarily because at one point, I was on top of the world, and then at the snap of a finger, a rug was pulled underneath my feet. But, I am putting them all behind me now. I am going to bring with me all the best and positive experiences I had in 2008 into the New Year, and I am sure that 2009 will be the year Toshi Koshimizu will become the best Toshi Koshimizu he will ever be. What am I wishing for this 2009? Job security, good health for myself, family and friends, success, more guidance from God and hopefully, someone I can be with at the end of the day. Someone who will be waiting for me at home after a long day at work, someone who will love me for what I am and take me as I am. Just wishful thinking.........Have a great New Year, friends!

Pablo Neruda's If You Forget Me

Pablo Neruda is one of the most influential writers of all time. I have read a few of his works in my Literature class back in college, and this poem that he made really struck a chord in me. Very poignant & beautifully written, If You Forget Me talks about telling the person you love to stop loving you if the feeling's no longer there. Read along and enjoy! =)

If You Forget Me


I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

-Pablo Neruda

Death in the time of Christmas

In approximately 4 days, Christmas Day is just around the corner. But, this may be a very sad Christmas for some families, especially those who experienced death among their family members. Most of us were surprised, even shocked, to learn that young actor Marky Cielo passed away last December 7. He was found dead in his bedroom by his mother, lying on the floor. Alot of speculations went around, that he died of acute pancreatitis, or he committed suicide, among other things. There are also talks that he wore a turtleneck undershirt in a suit inside his coffin, which led people to conclude that he committed suicide. Days prior to that, a very deady shootout betweeb the PNP SWAT team and a robbery syndicate took place in Paranaque last December 5, which led to the deaths of at least 13 civilians. 2 of those casualties were OFW Alfredo De Vera and his 7 year old daughter Leah Alyana. Lilian De Vera, wife of the victim, said her seafarer husband, Alfredo, intended to come home just before Christmas, but decided to advance his vacation to grant the wish of their 7-year-old daughter to be home for her birthday on November 3. Alfredo De Vera and the daughter he loved so dearly, Leah Alyana, were driving on a sport utility vehicle along Sampaguita Avenue in Parañaque city at about 9:45 p.m. Friday when they got hit in the crossfire between police and suspected members of two robbery gangs. Last week, I was watching an episode of Wonder Mom (hosted by Karen Davila, airing every Saturday morning), and it was very touching and tearful to see and hear a mother and wife mourning at the loss of her loved ones. She did not expect that it would happen to her, and it was so powerful to see her cry because she loved her family very much. She even told Karen that she doesn't understand what happened, what she knows is that the police killed her family. On a more personal level, I was also shocked to read a text message from my mom that the mother of my sister's bestfriend died of a stroke last Saturday, December 13. Nanay Emma was so close to me when I was in Bacolod, she was like a second mother to me. I was so sad to learn that she had passed away. It was also during the same time in 2005 that my beloved nanny passed away, also because of a stroke. Mare Julie (as I fondly call her) was with us for much of my growing up years, and her loyalty to out family was just amazing. I cried buckets and buckets of tears when I saw her in a coffin, when a few month back she was still the caring nanny I consider as part of the family. She suffered a stroke while she was in Bacolod, when my eldest sister borrowed her from us. It was one of the saddest moments in my life. I always smile and get teary eyed whenever I think of her & all the things she did for me and my family. I miss her alot, I miss her everyday. Christmas is supposed to be a happy occassion, but death is an inevitable part of life. I know that these people are in a safe place right now, and I'm sure, just like us here, they will also celebrate Christmas with Our Creator. May they always rest in peace.